In my time living in Brooklyn, I can tell you that operating a motor vehicle in the borough is probably the closest I'll ever get to piloting a fighter jet. It requires quick reflexes, the deft use of many muscles and could result in an international incident if you're careless.
Do you have what it takes to be the Islanders Zamboni driver?
The ad posted on A.E.G.'s website last month said that Barclays Center was looking to hire an assistant manager of arena operations to help with "planning and implementation of associated work tasks."
What that really means is that the Islanders, who are relocating to Brooklyn from Uniondale, N.Y., need a Zamboni driver. Perhaps the new commute was too long for their previous driver.
We've all watched the Zamboni drivers at games, spinning that flat steering wheel and effortlessly turning that giant machine, all with kids riding shotgun or with a member of the home team's Ice Crew launching a barrage of t-shirts into the crowd with a high-powered, hip-fired air bazooka. I mean, how hard could it be to drive anyway?
Pretty damn hard, apparently:
The team is not looking for just anyone. The ad says the job requires five years behind the wheel of an ice resurfacer, three years working in a hockey arena, and a college degree. (Barclays Center officials declined to discuss the job opening in detail, so we do not know how much they are planning to pay or whether applicants will be allowed to take the rig out for a test drive on Flatbush Avenue.)
The posting says that candidates must be able to walk, sit, and "use hands to finger, handle or feel objects." They must also be able to "balance; stoop, kneel, crouch or crawl; talk or hear; taste or smell." (That's right — talk or hear. Taste or smell. No need for both, apparently.) The ad also mandates "close vision."
The article continues to go into all of the exacting details and specifics of what appears to be an extremely intricate job for a very specialized union of highly dedicated people.
If that's you, hey, send in your resume. But don't think your ride-on lawnmower or doing donuts on your cousin's ATV that one summer means you're ready for the task.
In other words, Maverick: don't let your ego (or Islanders fandom) write checks your body can't cash.