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Zeitgeist: NHL releases brochure teaching fans how to cope with Clinching Anxiety

Playoff berth got you down? Help is here.

This is your brain on the playoffs.
This is your brain on the playoffs.

The NHL season has come down to a very exciting final stretch, with the race for the final playoff berths keeping teams and their fans in gut-wrenching suspense. Every win, loss and point has been crucial, and some established teams could find themselves on the outside once the post-season starts.

For some fans, the pressure of a tight playoff race can be too much to handle, which could lead to Clinching Anxiety, a recently diagnosed condition in which a person's mind becomes completely fixated on whether or not their team will make the playoffs.

Fortunately, the NHL has consulted with a team of psychologists, doctors, players, team executives, branding experts and fans to publish a guide for how to deal with Clinching Anxiety in a healthy, productive way. Lighthouse Hockey has obtained a copy of the four-page pamphlet and is posting it here for readers.

Clinching Anxiety is very real and can be very frightening for the afflicted. If you or someone you know is showing the signs of this terrible condition, act now before it's too late and their team is eliminated.

Clinching Anxiety 1

Clinching Anxiety 2


This is fake, obviously. But the symptoms are real to me, dammit!