Cappy Pre-Gamer: Islanders vs. Capitals, Game SevInterrupting Cow

Special for the playoffs, we highlight LHH community member Les Beaver's ongoing series of dramatic interpretations of what Jack Capuano's pre-game pep talks sound like.

Cappy: So now, just to make sure I got this: We win tonight, we're done playing Washington?

Dougie: Correct.

Cappy: But if we lose, we're also done playing them, right?

Dougie: Correct. Them and everyone else.

Cappy: That don't sound so bad either way.

JT: If we win - no - WHEN we win, we move on to play the Rangers.

Cappy: Meh. They're boring. I don't really want to have to watch them for seven games.

Clutterbuck: PLAYOFFS!

KO: PLAYOFFS, BOYS! GAME SEVEN, BOYS! GAME SEVEN! I'M KINDA SHITTIN' MY PANTS A LITTLE, BOYS!

Strome: There are web sites that are surprisingly accepting of that.

Donovan: Really?

Strome: Yeah. It's kinda weird at first, but after a while, you start to see why people would be -

Mayfield: Dude....that's gross.

Strome: Well, yes, at first, but it's like art - you really have to -

Cappy: OK boys, let's focus on the matter at hand. I ain't even that nervous. You guys see me twerkin' the NHL on twittle last night?

Lee: Twerkin'? I don't think that's the word you're looking for there.

Cappy: I was all asking them about how long Niskanen is out for. Then I was all bringing up Letang. Colin Campbell is still probably trying to figure out how to type. Guy hates me. I once played the Interrupting Cow game with him for half an hour.

Nelson: Interrupting cow?

Cappy: Yeah. You know...knock knock.

Nelson: Who's there?

Cappy: Interrupting cow.

Nelson: Interrupting cow wh-

Cappy: What?

Nelson: Interrupting cow wh -

Cappy: You say something?

Nelson: Oh...

Cappy: Can't hear you. I'm an interrupting cow. Can't let you speak.

Nelson: Right, I got it....

Cappy: I can do this all night.

Nelson: OK.

Cappy: Nope, nothing coming through.

Nelson: ...

Cappy: You gotta talk or it don't work.

Nelson: I'm not playi-

Cappy: Gotcha. See that? Works every time.

Nelson: Right. You wi-

Cappy: You talking to me?

Nielsen: LET HIM SPEAK JACK CAPUANO!

Clutterbuck: PLAYOFFS!

KO: PLAYOFFS, BOYS! GAME SEVEN, BOYS! I'M GONNA THROW UP, BOYS. GONNA HEAVE SOME COOKIES!

Strome: Another subset of sites one can find on the web does involve throw up. You could be a goldmine, Kyle.

Nelson: ARE WE don-

Cappy: Nope, not done. I'm an interrupting cow and yada yada yada. You get the picture.

Nelson: I got the picture quite some time ago.

Cappy: So anyway, after thirty minutes of that, Colin Campbell walked out, slammed his door and I ain't seen him since. I figure he's plotting his revenge as we speak.

Nielsen: He is not....I would know....it's what I do.

Cappy: Well that's good cause I ain't seen you doing much this series.

Nielsen: Do not play these games with me, Jack Capuano. I am not John Tavares.

JT: That's true - because if you were, you'd have a sweet "C "on your shirt not that weak ass "A". OOOOHHHHHH, Burned.....right? No? Anyone....?

Cappy: That was cold, John.

Boychuk: That's a fucked up thing to say to someone.

JT: I was...I thought it was....

Cappy: Look, some guys are made for wisecracks and sick burns. You ain't one of em. Stick to the Zombie stuff, it suits you. And oh, I wanted to compliment your effectiveness on the Kulemin goal.

JT: Thanks. It was a tough sp-

Cappy: While you were out there literally sleeping on the ground - at first I thought it was Johnny and was gonna tell everyone, "that's you how do it, boys" - then I saw it was you, and luckily Nick over here bailed your lazy ass out and scored the game winner. You should be bringing him grapes and fanning him with a leaf.

JT: I set that play up. I was drilled into the boards by two goddamn -

Cappy: New nickname: "Johnny Catnap."

JT: Oh come....well, I mean...I like that Johnny part. And it's better than DJ Buzzkill....OK, cool. I'm good with it.

Martin: Yeah, I like it too.

Cizikas: Me too. I love that.

Cappy: Oh - one last thing - we really need to win tonight. I left some stuff in my office - various Entenmann's products mostly. If we don't win tonight, I ain't gonna be able to get back in to get that stuff, so let's make sure we win this one. John, a hat trick would be nice.

JT: You got it.

Cappy: OK boys, let's win this one. Here's the gameplan: In their net - A LOT, outta ours - EVERY TIME. Save the City, boys.