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EA Sports Simulation Calls Islanders Better, Not Better Enough

They #$%& on us too.

Still have Detroit's number though! In a simulated way, I mean.
Still have Detroit's number though! In a simulated way, I mean.
Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

EA Sports has released their annual pre-season NHL simulation, universally known as the most accurate and prescent major NHL video game simulation and publicity mechanism ever published on Oct. 1, 2014.

The sim has the New York Islanders improving, but not enough to make the playoffs. Alas, in this simulated world of video game publicity the Isles' 91 points are one point short of a playoff wild card spot, and two points short of fourth in the Metropolitan Division.

The following combination of promotional simulated video game scenes is acceptable for everyone who is 10+ (that's metric) and a fan of the select teams featured. It also includes "mild violence." (Want worse than mild violence? Visit a Lighthouse Hockey roster prediction thread.)

From the EA promotional announcement, the sim Prince of Wales Eastern Conference standings played out like so:

  1. Boston Bruins – 103 pts
  2. Pittsburgh Penguins – 99 pts
  3. New York Rangers – 98 pts
  4. Philadelphia Flyers – 97 pts
  5. Tampa Bay Lightning94 pts
  6. Montreal Canadiens – 94 pts
  7. Columbus Blue Jackets – 93 pts – Wild Card
  8. Toronto Maple Leafs – 92 pts – Wild Card
  9. New York Islanders – 91 pts
  10. Carolina Hurricanes – 89 pts
  11. Detroit Red Wings – 89 pts
  12. Washington Capitals – 87 pts
  13. New Jersey Devils –  78 pts
  14. Florida Panthers –  78 pts
  15. Buffalo Sabres – 77 pts
  16. Ottawa Senators –  71 pts

It also simulated the playoffs and Stanley Cup winner -- from the West, naturally, because LOLeast -- but the fake Islanders didn't qualify for them, so screw you guys, I'm going home.

Watering Down the Product

P.S. Alright, one more note: The EA announcement says the sim "predicts a dynasty" with a team's "third Cup in four years."

No, sorry. That's not a dynasty. Really impressive, but not a dynasty. Keep working on it though.