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Zeitgeist: NHL Free Agents Form Barnstorming Travel Team

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Celebrated skaters will play exhibition games at parks, rinks and fairgrounds across the country in dazzling displays of graceful gliding.

Don't worry. The Cossaks have been domesticated.
Don't worry. The Cossaks have been domesticated.

DECATUR, GA. (Lighthouse Press) _ Tired of waiting for offers for their services, a group comprised of NHL free agents have announced the formation of a club that will barnstorm North America playing exhibition games against all local comers.

The club will be known as the "Decatur Blue Hockey Sox" and will begin their trek this autumn when they oppose their first scheduled combatants, the Retired Postal Workers Hockey Club of Savannah, on October the 8th at the Eastern Georgia Municipal Ice Rink and Expo Hall at 6:30 in the evening.

Legendary American wild-man of the goal crease Timmy "Tecumseh" Thomas headlines the ensemble. Defense-men Ryan Whitney, Ron Hainsey and Tom Gilbert hail from the U.S. as well. Also conscripted to the independent team are Canadian citizens Brenden Morrow, Brad Boyes and Mason Raymond, as well as a set of docile Cossacks Ilya Bryzgalov, Mikhail Grabovski and "Czar" Nikolai Aleksandrovich Antropov.

The Blue Hockey Sox will be lead by coach Ron Wilson of Rhode Island who commanded National League teams Anaheim, San Jose, Toronto and our great nation's capital of Washington, D.C. A purse of $250 has been proffered by the unaffiliated All-Stars to any team of local boys that can best them on the ice in a fair contest.

Fans will recall with interest the contests between these players when beholden to their professional National League clubs. Free now to pursue the pure love of the sport, these exhibition games promise to be full of pep and sport a caliber of hockey that is better than what's dished up in the major leagues. Good crowds are assured for all bills, so spectators are encouraged to arrive spiritedly.

The tour embarks during the fall and winter months and covers seven states, four provinces and over 12,000 miles in a spectacular caravan of six combustion-engine livery trucks.

Gentlemen and boys in attendance will receive a complimentary pack of player trade cards fabricated by the Goudey Gum Company of Allston, Mass. In addition to the traveling shinny show, spectators can also expect to see carnival attractions at the games including a bearded lady, a tattooed man and a boy with lobster claws for hands.

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This is a satire. But, man, writing like this is hard work. For more info on barnstorming baseball teams that played across Western Canada, read this site.