Cappy Exit Interviews IX: #24 Brad Boyes, #36 Eric Boulton

You know the drill here...

Brad Boyes: What about me? I think you missed me...

Cappy: Honestly, I didn't think you'd still be here.

Brad Boyes: Oh. Well, yeah, I'm still here.

Cappy: Because.........?

Brad Boyes: Because...I thought, like....I dunno.....Door 9. Leaves.

Cappy: Yup. Best of luck. That guy sealed his fate when it was halfway through the season and I didn't have one excuse to sing that "Brad Boyes Brad Boyes whaccha gonna do" highlight song from COPS. I was looking forward to that all summer, Dougie. What a waste. OK - Eric Boulton.

Boulton: Coach.

Cappy: So, ice time, you don't have much. But I've been doing some thinking, and I got a plan.

Boulton: OK, great. I'm in.

Cappy: You related to Michael Bolton?

Boulton: No. Not that I know of.

Cappy: Can you sing like Michael Bolton?

Boulton: Well, no, not like Michael. I'm probably more of a bass than him.

Cappy: Perfect! Listen, Dougie - I'm watching TV last night. I drop the remote, I can't reach it, so I'm in to whatever channel is on for the long haul. I think you know where I'm coming from.

Moulson: Totally.

Cappy: So the new Batman movie ends, and this movie about La Cappela singers comes on.

John Tavares: popping his head in - The film is called Pitch Perfect, starring Anna Kendrick. I'm a big fan of it, actually.

Cappy: Atta boy, Johnny. So, I was a big la capella guy back in college. In fact, if it wasn't for hockey, I'd have gone to the nationals like these kids in the movie did. I was doing beat boxing before beat boxing was a thing. We had a version of Asia's "Heat of the Moment" that woulda knocked your socks off. Won the New England Regionals with that one. We made the Trebelmakers look like scrubs, Dougie.

Dougie: I had no idea, Jack. But what's this have to do with Eric?

Cappy: Right. So I'm watching this movie and I'm thinking, "This is what we need."

Tavares: I take back my fandom of that film. Clearly I was being sarcastic. I hate that movie and anything that has to do with a capella. And music in general. We should focus on hockey, coach. Just hockey.

Cappy: Well, yeah, of course. But thing is, I missed my chance to win the la cappela championship once, I'm not gonna let it happen again.

Tavares: So you're quitting being our coach to go be an a cappela singer? That's a good plan, coach. Live your dream. Best of luck. ... Now, I need everyone - SIT DOWN DOUGIE!

Weight: THIS IS MY JOB NOW, YOU LITTLE PUNK!

Cappy: Whoa whoa whoa, fellas, I'm not quitting - and lose my benefits? $52k a year plus ½ off on parking? No way. What I'm thinking is that we can form a la cappela group. No way Bylsma and the Penguins can beat us. I mean, Bylsma can sing, but they rest of team outside of Orpik can't carry a note.

And Julien up in Boston? Guy's a joke with a microphone. At the Coach's meeting last year he screwed up My Sharona on karaoke! Plus, Horton is gone - he was their heavy lifter when it came to carrying a tune. Lucic is terrible.

We play this right, maybe sign Clutterbuck from Minny, and Fran's friend from Danish...land - we can't lose, fellas! Finley, Boulton, JT can be the basses. Frans, Kyle, Regin and Clutterbuck holding down the mid ranges. Grabs kills the high notes, and I'll take the leads. Who is gonna stop us?

Silence, confused stares. Some shuffling.

JT: Grabner can't carry all those high notes alone. We're gonna need someone to accompany him, set up an off melody to push the rhythm.

Cappy: Absolutely. Who you got in mind? I was gonna suggest Aucoin, but I doubt he's coming back.

JT: Couple of years ago I was training in a rink in Quebec. Pierre Marc Bouchard was in the showers - he was singing some Boyz II Men song. I'll tell Garth to give him a call.

Cappy: I trust you Johnny. Make it happen. Best you call Garth, he don't listen to me. This is exciting stuff, boys. I'll tell ya what, half an hour ago, I wasn't looking forward to next season, starts to get boring out there. But now, on opening night when the rink announcer says, "Ladies and Gentleman, please rise for the National Anthem, being sung tonight by, The New York Acalanders, -"

JT: I was thinking "Glissislanders".

Cappy: I worked with that too. Looks great on paper, hard to say though.

JT: Good point.

Cappy: Then we come out and bring the house down, man, I can't wait. Boulton, Grabner - let's do a triad on "rockets red glare" ready....GO. the three sing "Rockets Red Glare" in unision. Nice, boys. Nice. Grabner - you're a little flat, work on that. OK boys, I hope we draw the Penguins opening night. Byslma can't counter that, no way. Can't wait to see that pissy little smirk when he looks for Tyler Kennedy to do a duet with and finds him gone! Lovin it already! JT, Dougie, Boulter - follow me on this one..ahem memememeemeeeee ok, here we go...wowa wowa urt urt urt wowa wowa urt urt urt

Dougie / JT / Boulton - singing: The World is a Vampire...!

Cappy: NAILED IT! This is it fellas, this is gonna be our yeuh! OK - Boulton. Get some tea and lemon, keep the chords loose. See you in Sept. Door 8.

Boulton: Stoked for the opportunity, Coach!