Report: Flyers Trying to Acquire Everybody

PHILADELPHIA (Lighthouse Press) _ The Philadelphia Flyers have been involved in talks to acquire everybody in the National Hockey League, according to a recently published report.

One week after adding defenseman Mark Streit from the New York Islanders, the Flyers are apparently looking to bring in everybody else before next season, Comcast Sportsnet is reporting. A source also told CSN's Tim Panaccio that the Flyers have engaged in discussions about every forward in the NHL as well as every goalie and every defenseman.

"They want everybody very badly, and feel everybody could put them right back on track," the source told Panaccio. "Expect everybody to be in in play and connected to the Flyers this off-season."

The source goes on to say that the Flyers plan to submit offer sheets to every restricted free agent and sign every unrestricted free agent while also exploring trade offers for every young regular, every highly-touted prospect and every veteran in the NHL.

Rumors about everybody being on the trading block began popping up at the end of last season. The Flyers have coveted everybody for quite some time, and could be willing to part with anybody in order to acquire everybody. The source claims general manager Paul Holmgren is under orders from owner Ed Snider to win now, which could force Holmgren to make a play for everybody.

"We haven't yet made a decision on everybody," Holmgren said in response to the report. "We'll address everybody when the time is right for our hockey club."

Fitting everybody under the salary cap will be the big hurdle. The Flyers are already over the limit by about $7 million pending Streit's agreed-to contract, and adding everybody else in the league will make for some difficult decisions.

News broke Tuesday that the Flyers have already told forward Danny Briere that he will be bought out this off-season. But a second report out of Philadelphia revealed that the Flyers have already initiated discussions about re-acquiring Briere via trade from anybody that signs him.

More on the Flyers:

• Ailing Flyers Sign 76ers to Tryout Contracts.
• Ilya Bryzgalov to Join Tibetan Monatery After Season.
• Report: After Acquiring Everybody, Flyers Plan to Buy Everybody Out

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This is satire, according to a report by an Islanders blog that requested anonymity.