Cappy Exit Interviews: #52 Joe Finley, #16 Marty Reasoner, #17 Matt Martin

In the last interview, Josh Bailey, in his Zenedon Prime form, reached the end of the countdown and all went black. From the darkness of the office Thomas Hickey is screaming in fear. Justin Bourne is attempting to find a hiding place but just ends up running in circles holding his head, Matt Moulson is rolling on the ground laughing. Doug Weight is certainly perplexed and concerned, but keeping it together. Jack Capuano is unfazed.

Cappy: Hey - turn on the lights.

Lights come back on.

Cappy: Finley - that's a dick move. Don't do that again. Messes up all them light readings Hickey's been doing. And consider this your interview - door 8 go. Dougie, cross Finley off. OK, Joshy - here, just sign this, and go. Hands Josh Bailey a pen. Bailey begins to write. Hey...what are you drawing there? That a dog?

Joshy: It's a T-Rex MIGHTIEST of the DINOSAURS!

Cappy: Nah, that don't look like a T-Rex. Dougie - grab my white board. Look - you gotta staht with the tail...where'd he go? Again with this kid. Whatevah. Staht with the tail, move up the back - most people start with the head - bad idea. Brontosaurus, yeah you start with a head. T-Rex, tail. Little rule of thumb I learned at Immaculate Conception in Cranston, boys. OK - Hickey - what door you leaving from?

Thomas Hickey: 9?

Cappy: OK, great. Let's see, next is...HEY OH!!! Number Sixteen - MAHTY REASONAH! Get in here, Mahty. I got a ton of notes for you.... OK first - great season. Haht Awahd Caliber, if you ask me - but you know how the politics work. I voted for you - for the record.

John Tavares: Wait. What?

Marty: I'm leaving through Door GFY.

Cappy: GFY....That like a service entrance?

Marty: Bite me. You are easily the worst coach I've evah had, going back to Pee Wee. I'm done.

Gets up and leaves. Gives Cappy the finger on his way out.

Cappy: in hysterics YOU'RE KILLIN ME! Phew.... Guy's the best. OK, so Door 1 for Mahty. Next - #17 Matt Martin.

Bourne: OK, Mouls - here we go. Get ready.

Moulson puts on Groucho Marx glasses. Bourne puts on a football helmet. Matt Martin walks in.

Matt Martin: Coach. Dougie.

Cappy: Matty. OK, good stuff. Lots of hittin' going on and...well....that's pretty much all I have. Which door?

Martin: All of them.

Cappy: Atta Boy, Matty.

Cappy's phone rings.

Cappy: Oh - hey, I gotta take this. HEY OHH! BOOMAH! I got you guys on caller ID so I know when you call. First time, long time, right?

Bourne: (as Boomer): Hey Jack. Heard you're doing the exit interviews today. Those things used to make me want to punch people in the face. BOOM! Right Jack?

Cappy: Oh, hey. You tellin me? I been here for like 20 minutes already. Not even half way done. Rate we're going, this may take an howah.

Moulson: (as Carton): How bout them Knicks, Cappy? Heard you gotta interview Matt Martin today. How you feel about Matt Martin, Boomer?

Bourne (as Boomer): Matt Martin. Fist. Face. BOOM!

Cappy: Hold on, let me move out, I'm getting this echo on my phone.

Turns to Bourne and Moulson sitting on the sofa and bean bag chair.

Cappy: Hey - you two, shut - who the hell are these guys? Where's Moulson?

Moulson takes off the Groucho Marx mask.

Cappy: Whoa. That's amazing. I nevah woulda recognized you. Back on the phone. Boomah, Carton - you guys still there? Jack Capuano, New York Islanders. Listen, I heard this great joke -

Bourne (as Boomer): Let's talk about Dan Bylsma.

Cappy: That weasesly little nerd? I want to hate him, boys, I really do. But I can't. I just can't -

Moulson: (as Carton): Is Little Matty Martin going to town on Boomer's daughter during the interview? Right in front of you, Jack? Post that to Instagram, right? Maybe make an album.

Josh Bailey: pokes his head out of the locker room, cracking up. Whispers: They're talking about - he makes an index finger through a circle motion with his hands.

Matt Martin: You guys are dicks.

Cappy: HEY OH! No idea what any of that means, but he's just sitting here right now. Hey - listen - I got a great joke - click Guy walks into....goddamn this phone. Hello? Crap. Dammit...dropped out again. OK, Matty, we're all set. I'm gonna say you're leaving through 2,3, 5, 7 and 11 - sticking with the prime numbers, boys.

Josh Bailey: I AM ZENEDON PRIME!

Cappy: 3 points off if anyone touches the lights. Zenedon Prime thrives in darkness, boys. It's what he wants, and if I learned one thing it's never give the aliens what they want. Plus, Poor Hickey is still upset.

Thomas Hickey: No, I'm ok. I just got some...dust in my eyes.

Cappy: OK, moving right along, who we got next Dougie?