Cappy Exit Interviews: #4 Radek Martinek, #6 Jesse Joensuu, #41 David Ullstrom*

Cappy: Ok, 3 down -

Dougie: 2 down. Travis was second.

Cappy: No, Travis wears #3, Dougie. 3 down. Stay with me here. OK so next would be....4?

Dougie: Yes.

Cappy: Great. #4, come in.

Radek Martinek walks in.

Cappy: Uhhhh....right. Radek....Radek....Martinek.....just going over my notes here, Marty 2 ....uuhhh...yeah, I don't have much for you. You did play, I see that. Like a couple of games...well, you didn't do anything monumentally stupid, so that's a plus. Dougie, you got anything?

Dougie: I just wanted to thank Radek for his steady play and quiet leadership. He's a stabilizing force in the locker room and a good man. Glad to have him.

Cappy: Seriously? You mean all that?

Dougie: Of course.

Cappy: OK, well, great. I don't see it, but whatever. Radek, which door you leaving from?

Radek: Before I go, Jack Capuano and Mr. Douglas Weight, I just want to thank you and Mr. Garth Snow and Brent Thompson for all the opportunities -

Cappy: Jesus, does this guy ever stop?

Radek: ...where I am from it is considered impolite to interrupt a man when he speaks his goodbyes. Men have been boiled alive for less, Jack Capuano.

Cappy: I been to Jersey, don't scare me. Not when you're from Cranston, Rhode Island, boys. OH - HEY - I just remembered something. If you come back next season - big "if" there, am I right? - If you come back, I got a new nickname for you: Gandalf. I'm gonna put a little crystal on the end of your stick, get you a hat. I was watching them movies last night - they're always on, you ever notice that? And I'm thinking, "We need a Gandalf." So since you never got a nickname, I think Gandalf works. You're kinda wise like that. I bet you'd fight a Balrog to save Josh Bailey or something. Like that time you got in a fight to defend Frans - that was awesome. Loved it. Smaht, Hahd Hawkey. So I'm gonna tell Gahth we need you back cause we need a wizard.

KO (from Hallway): COACH, TECHNICALLY SPEAKING GANDALF IS AN ISTARI. WIZARD IS JUST A ROUGH TRANSLATION FROM THE OLD TONGUE. ENGLISH DOESN'T HAVE A WORD THAT ALIGNS CORRECTLY SO WIZARD IS WHAT TOLKEIN CHOSE. SOME HAVE SAID ANGEL WORKS AS WELL, THOUGH PERSONALLY I THINK ISTARI IS FINE AS IS.

Cappy: Wait your turn, Kyle! We all know Istari is a rough translation, but the casual fans don't know what an Istari is. You gotta think big picture, buddy. We can't have an Istari Night, marketing will never go for it; but a Wizard Night? Lines out the door! I'm excited just thinking about it.

KO: MY APOLOGIES, SIR. I AM A DISGRACE AND WILL PAY PROPER PENANCE FOR IT, THIS I VOW! DOWN AND GIVING YOU 50, SIR!

Cappy: Atta boy, Kyle. OK Radek, I'm gonna set you down as leaving through door 8 -

Radek: Pardon my interruption, Jack Capuano, but I will leave through Door 4.

Cappy: OK, 4 then. Have a good summer and I'm gonna need you to work on your Elvish and The Olde Tongue thingy. Probably some Dwarf language - I think I might want to put some dwarf runes around the penalty box that light up when someone gets called. How cool would that be if Gandalf Martinek whispered at the box and it lit up and opened?

KO: FORGIVE MY RUDE -33- INTRUSION BUT I AM LOVING -34- WHAT I AM HEARING AND -35- CANNOT IMAGINE WAITING -36- THESE NEXT 4 MONTHS -5- UNTIL OPENING DAY -6-!

Martinek: When I come to training camp I will be fluent in all three of those tongues, Jack Capuano.

JT: poking his head into the door: I will be fluent in those three tongues, and Orcish as well.

Martinek: I will learn Entish if you think that is best, John Tavares.

JT: Got no time for Entish, Radek.

Martinek: Understood.

Cappy: OK Radek, have a good summer. So next is 5...FIVE....where the hell is 5?

Dougie: 5 was Denis Potvin.

Cappy: Potvin.....Potvin....just going over my notes.....I don't see a Potvin.

Dougie: No, he retired. He....never mind.

Cappy: Hey, one less interview then, right? OK, 6...Joensuu

Joenssu walks in

Cappy: Know what, fuck this. Joensuu - Jesse - just go. Don't even bother coming in. And take Ullstrom with you. Leave through door 12 and just keep driving. Both of you, just drive......

Joensuu leaves with Ullstrom.

I don't know what it is with those guys. Ugh. OK, so that just knocked out a bunch more. We're making good time, Dougie. Seriously, no one wants to sit through 30 of these.

* The role of David Ullstrom will be performed by an understudy for tonight's show. We apologize for the inconvenience.