LHH Glossary: Rough draft

Editor's Note: This post is actually from October 1 originally. But since we're going to get an influx of visitors for the new season, I thought I'd bump it back up so that new friends get a taste of what life is like around here and which references might be confusing at first.

Thanks to the growing and frequently entertaining participation here from so many of you, we are at this point. Or we'll soon be at this point: It's time for a Lighthouse Hockey glossary.

Problem is, I'm not good at remembering jokes, and I can only hold about two or three ideas in my head at one time (One is usually sex, the second is usually hockey, so most days that doesn't leave much room for carry-ons.)

So I figure eventually we'll have a standing page that is a glossary of site terms -- memes and jokes that the newcomer might not understand but can check to get up to speed. For now, I need your help building it. I'll start with a draft of the ones that come to mind after a large bottle of a Belgian trippel, but if there are any you think of -- particularly if you, ya know, found them funny -- please add them here in comments. Build it, and we will laugh. And cry.


Rob Schremp Hockey. Affectionate nickname for the old #13, the new #44. Stems from an early post on RSH, when upon digging into why he had such a mixed reputation so far, I came across a Hockey's Future profile in which he was quoted saying he "just need to be able to play my game and play Rob Schremp hockey."


Same person as above, actually. Coined by mikb thanks to the similarly named basketball player who looks like this.


Yeah, so this one is actually brand new and has only been used once, but the way it made me laugh was actually the inspiration for finally starting a glossary. Some of the comments here crack me up so much I don't ever want to forget them. So this one, specifically, refers to Rick DiPietro and the high-risk/high-reward of a goalie who likes to handle the puck. Coined by JP (the VA one, now that we have an NY one), I quote his explanation:

Having a goaltender who can handle the puck is like carrying a firearm. When used responsibly it brings comfort and the awareness that you have this very powerful object on your person. If you use it irresponsibly it can easily be taken advantage of and you’re going to the proctologyst to have it removed.


I can't remember who coined this, as I'm pretty sure I saw several people use it (with maybe various spellings) to refer to anticipation of this fall and Rhett Rakhshani getting some time to shine either here or in Bridgeport. Suffice to say, it can stand for general anticipation of Rhett, or if we're lucky, when he someday puts up 18 points in a single October. Rakhtober is here. May we all smell what the Rakh is cooking.

Natural Born Kirills

Coined by mikb, referring to Kabanov and Petrov, our great Russian hopes that are so close we can touch their skill, yet so far we have to read about their progress through BabelFish translations of Russian agents who have only the player's interest in mind, I assure you.


I never know: Is it with an 's' or a 'z'? His name is with an 's,' but somehow "Wiz" just buzzes better. I'm open to opinions on this, but when I find myself spelling it both ways within a single paragraph, I know the nerdy editor in me has gone mad. Speaking of which...

Mac 'n Cheese

When pairing Andrew MacDonald and James "Cheese Wiz"niewski. Also a brand new one from yesterday, but it just seems like it will come up again, so we might as well mark it now.

EH07, or Eastside Hockey

A hockey sim game that WebBard always recommends I try. It sounds like serious stuff -- mikb is apparently in year 2018 right now -- so I'll just call it Dungeons & Dragons for hockey nerds. I don't know how often it will come up, but when WebBard and mikb talk about it I giggle in a good way.

He Who Must Not Be Named / Voldemort / MM

Well if I could name him, we wouldn't need this definition, would we? Suffice to say, a previous GM of the team.

Mike Mottau

No mystery or code about it. But what is, "Someone who still owes us a pound of flesh for the Frans hit before he will be fully embraced?" Despite the official site's acting like it's not the first question on our minds. As the charter member of the Frans Fan Club, I may take to calling Mottau Pound of Flesh though.

[Player Initials]

Not necessary and not funny but they sometimes help, especially in game threads: KO (Okposo), JT (Tavares), CDH (de Haan), DP (DiPietro, although TMC reminded me those initials can stand for other pursuits), MM (Moulson).

Crotchety Old Man

Dwayne Roloson, of course. (Isn't he like old enough to be Garth Snow's dad?)

Wang's World

This strange parallel universe we've inhabited for about a decade. It defines every high and low of our era. "How did so many strange things happen next to so many nice things?" the boy asked. "Well," the father replied, "it was Wang's World."

Community Projection

Quickest way to get an Islander shelved with shoulder surgery. Given our record, should probably avoid these unless I back up the threat to do them for Avery, Pronger and [insert tool here].

Mrs. Lighthouse

My better half, the woman without whose understanding of my putting off fixing the gutter (again), this site would not be possible. Speaking of which...

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Please add your own favorites and corrections in comments. Like I said, I know I've forgotten several memes because my brain only has room for hockey and sex and ... what was I talking about again?

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