Tag: calm down it's satire

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Ledecky, Malkin ready to disappoint Isles fans

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[humor] Jonathan Ledecky and Scott Malkin have agreed to buy the Islanders and plan to disappoint fans in the near future in keeping with the franchise's long-standing heritage of management strife...

LHH Mailbox: Donald Sterling to Buy Islanders

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[humor] A Lighthouse Hockey reader submits an "interesting" interpretation of the Islanders' recent ownership battle. Special appearances by the Donald Sterling, the Illuminati, mind-controlling...

Antique Reddit Original 6 Hate Map Discovered

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[humor] An antique map, recently discovered by users of the popular multi-topic message board Reddit, shows which regions hated each of the NHL's Original Six franchises the most based on votes...

Zeitgeist: Sharks expect Ice Girls to lead to Cup

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[humor] The Sharks are looking to re-establish their place in the tough Western Conference and feel their new Ice Girls are the key free agents they needed to acquire. Having girls cleaning the ice...

"I'm Coming Home" - Dr. J to play D for Isles

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[humor] Julius "Dr. J" Erving is coming back to Nassau Coliseum to play for the arena's final pro sports tenant, the New York Islanders. At 6-foot-6, Erving, 64, can give the Islanders the veteran...

NHL threatens lockout to curb Isles spending spree

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[humor] The NHL made what could be its first move towards a fourth lockout, demanding an end to the recent out-of-control spending by the previously frugal New York Islanders. The NHL is willing to...

An exclusive look at standard NHL No-Move form

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[humor] Lighthouse Hockey has obtained a copy of a standard NHL Player Movement Restriction form, used by players and agents to keep away from undesirable destinations. If you want to stay out of...

Penguins name dept. store mannequin head coach

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[Humor] The Pittsburgh Penguins have ended their unusual coaching search and tasked a department store mannequin with bringing the franchise back to the Stanley Cup final. The mannequin's last job...

Trade Targets: an aluminum boat & mortadella

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[humor] Signs point to defenseman Matt Donovan and forward Josh Bailey as the most likely candidates for the Islanders to trade. What can they get for them? How about a fishing boat, 300 lbs of...

Rangers prep for 2044 Cup run by cloning Lundqvist

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[humor] The New York Rangers are already hard at work on a plan to secure their next championship by cloning their best player, goaltender Henrik Lundqvist, using experimental DNA extraction and a...

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