Lighthouse Hockey, a New York Islanders community

With the lockout officially done, NHL teams are ready to play. Unfortunately for the New York Islanders, that means them, too. (parody)

Forget cheap tickets and free popcorn. Those were just the tip of the iceberg, Some NHL teams are ready to use big discounts and once-in-a-lifetime experiences to bring casual fans back after the lockout. Here's a sneak peek at some upcoming promos.

In the exciting conclusion of H.R.R. Tolkien's "The Lord of the Revenues" trilogy, the war for Hockey-earth is finally decided. Strider Scot L. Arabaugh readies for battle, while hobbit Grodo Bettmins attempts to conquer the horrors of Mount Lockout.

The NHL and NHLPA have agreed to a tentative deal to end the lockout and put out a shortened 2013 season. Huzzah!

A roundtable discussion at current events magazine The Atlantic laid the NHL's latest lockout at the feet of expansion teams like the Coyotes, NHLPA boss Bob Goodenow and the weather. No, it wasn't a parody. But this final "lost" entry is.

The NHL selected young LeBron Matlock first overall in its 2012 Lawyer Draft. The hot shot attorney from Ohio thinks he can step right into the legal team's line-up for the league's recently-filed suit against the NHLPA. Does he have what it takes?

Satire: The NHL and NHLPA met Wednesday with psychic mediums hoping to use the spirit world as a guide to a new collective bargaining agreement. Can the mediums contact the recently deceased NHL offer and ease the negotiations?

Commissioner Gary Bettman is mad as hell and he's not going to take these negotiations anymore! In Lanny Chayefsky's seminal work, Bettman's growing insanity is a metaphor for the NHL and the ruthlessness of collective bargaining.

Tuesday's meeting between NHL owners and players is supposed to jumpstart the stalled CBA negotiations. But our source says it's meant to serve a more sinister purpose: to be a surprise birthday party for Bruins owner Jeremy Jacobs.

Not even an appearance on Judge Judy could bridge the gap between the NHL and the NHLPA and end this ridiculous lockout.