Lighthouse Zeitgeist

Flyers Name Sylvester Stallone Head Coach

Concerned about the team's direction, the Flyers have fired new coach Craig Berube and named movie legend Sylvester Stallone head coach. Stallone vows to lean on his action movie experience to motivate the flagging Flyers. (satire)

Zeitgeist: NHL Shuts Down In Impasse Over Fighting

The National Hockey League shut down Wednesday, with those opposed to fighting in the sport continuing to demand that the league's goons be removed and commissioner Gary Bettman and traditionalists refusing to give in. (satire)

More Predictions for the 13-14 NHL Season

Everybody and their mother is predicting team records and award winners for this season. But only Lighthouse Hockey predicts which team will stop paying the bills, which ref will be become a heel and what song you'll despise by year's end. (satire)

Magic: NHL Preseason Bloodbath Card Set Released

Wizards of the Coast unveil their most brutal and gruesome card game yet - NHL Preseason Bloodbath. Unleash fighters, goons, headhunters and enforcers against your friends in a battle for meaningless supremacy. (satire)

It's John Tavares's Birthday Party!

Lighthouse Hockey celebrates the Islanders captain/savior's 23rd birthday. We have cake, games, singing and a card to sign. Happy birthday, big guy. (* - Actual John Tavares not expected to attend)

13-14 Metropolitan Preview by Staal Cousin Oliver

Young Oliver Staal is the 11-year-old cousin of NHL players Eric, Jordan, Jared & Marc Staal. Oliver gives Lighthouse Hockey the kind of in-depth analysis of the Metropolitan Division that only a family member can give. (satire)

Zeitgeist: Other Uniform Changes for 2013-14

The uniform rules changes released last week by the NHL were only the beginning. An unreleased memo obtained by Lighthouse Hockey outlines even more new and updated rules that are sure to upset and confuse players across the league. (satire)

13-14 Central Preview by Trotz's Chiropractor

Isaac Freeman has been the chiropractor for Nashville Predators coach Barry Trotz since 2002. Because of his intimate relationship with the coach, Lighthouse Hockey asked Isaac to preview the upcoming season in the NHL's Central Division. (satire)

13-14 Atlantic Preview by Alfie's Real Estate Lady

Anita Euhaal is the licensed Detroit-area real estate agent that helped Daniel Alfredsson find a new house after his signing with the Red Wings this summer. Lighthouse Hockey asked Anita for her take on the NHL's new Atlantic Division. (satire)

Zeitgeist: Do the John Tavares Workout at Home

Want to work out with John Tavares? Well, forget it. But scrawny wimps and pudgy homebodies can use this economical DIY version to replicate the Islander captain's exhausting off-season training routine at home.

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