Lighthouse Zeitgeist

Efficiency, Thy Name Is Eric Boulton.

Eric Boulton needs not gobs of games nor ice time to make his presence felt on the scoresheet.

Zeitgeist: Transcript of 'The Cappysburg Address'

Following a player's only meeting after their loss in Toronto, Islanders coach Jack Capuano also addressed his team, with some help from Abraham Lincoln. He's a transcript of his stirring speech.(satire)

Zeitgeist: NHL 2013-14 Fandom Cancellation Form

Is your team already out of the playoffs before (American) Thanksgiving? Here's the good news: the NHL has released its Fandom Cancellation Survey today. Simply fill out the PDF, mail it to the league and you can walk away from them forever! (satire)

Bloggers Injured in Violence Over Hockey Stats

A hockey stats related skirmish erupts, causing hysteria on the internet and harming people with sports opinions. Injuries include sore typing fingers, broken forehead blood vessels and raised blood pressure levels.

Source: Rob Ford Has Dressed as Leafs Mascot

Toronto mayor Rob Ford has at least once dressed as Maple Leafs mascot Carlton the Bear, Lighthouse Hockey has learned. The video shows the mayor wearing the suit and telling unseen companions, "I just need 10 f----in' minutes." (satire)

Congratulations to two-time Cusp champion Wild

Some fans want to win in the long haul, but for the Minnesota Wild, it's best to live in the moment and talk about the championship pedigree and penchant for player development.

Zeitgeist: Dr. Phil's Advice to Stop NHL Violence

The host of television's Number One daytime talk show says it's time for a changing day in the life of the National Hockey League. Dr. Phil offers his tips for how the NHL can end ugly incidents such as Friday night's brawl in Philadelphia. (satire)

Proper Care: The Rick DiPietro Owner's Manual

After a buyout and few months of rest, Rick DiPietro has signed a try out contract with the Charlotte Checkers of the AHL. Islanders fans recommend they read this manual thoroughly before installing a slightly refurbished Rick DiPietro. (satire)

Isles Resurrect Ghost of Radek Martinek

The Islanders have turned to an old, lost soul and released the ghost of Radek Martinek into the NHL following the loss of Lubomir Visnovsky to a concussion last weekend. UPDATE: He'll play in Pittsburgh Friday.

Zeitgeist: Ryan Miller's No Movement Clause

Lighthouse Hockey has an EXCLUSIVE look at Ryan Miller's No Movement Clause, that pesky five year old document that's keeping him from being traded to whatever team you want to trade him to. (satire)

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