Got a Deal for You: A hastily complied list of prospective Islanders investors

Here, Mike. Take my monkey, please. - Bruce Bennett

Could one of these guys buy the Islanders? Probably not but let's talk about them anyway.

When word broke last night that Islanders owner Charles Wang is in talks to sell his majority stake in the team, a buzz coursed through the hockey world.

The report came from TSN analyst Bob McKenzie, a trusted name in NHL news. Wang's stewardship of the Islanders has been highlighted by lots of losing, bizarre decisions and a consistent frugality that hasn't endeared him to a large portion of fans. Immediately, visions of saviors began dancing in everyone's heads.

But longtime Islanders fans know that the team has an ownership history like no other. Wang hasn't been a prince, but neither were the guys that came before him. Not by a long shot.

So who could be the mystery investor? And how will they eventually disappoint Islanders fans? Here's a handy list to get things started:

MIKHAIL PROKHOROV

Current status: Brooklyn Nets Owner/Russian Big Shot.

Wealth Level: Very, very rich.

Pros: Hobbies include spending money, making sure everyone knows he's spending money, letting them spend money and then spending more money than they did. Basketball enthusiast who was a backup center for the 1988‐89 Sacramento Kings.

Cons: Feels that acquiring players who were good 10 years ago is a solid plan to build a future winner.

BRETT & MICHAEL YORMARK

Current status: Brett is the CEO of the Brooklyn Nets and the Barclays Center, the future home of the Islanders. Michael is President and Chief Strategy Officer for Jay Z's Roc Nation Sports agency, which sounds important.

Wealth level: Pretty rich.

Pros: Brett is already well familiar with the Islanders business operations, having taken them over in 2013. Michael is already familiar with the NHL having previously been the CEO of the Florida Panthers for 11 years.

Cons: Based on the Pros, neither is very familiar with winning anything.

JAY Z

Current status: Business mogul, aspiring sports agent and occasional rapper.

Wealth level: Money Ain't a Thang.

Pros: Smart, driven and creative. Apparently from Brooklyn. Seems like a nice guy. Having his wife Beyoncé at games will blow away previous Islanders wives franchise best set by Hilary Duff from 2007‐09.

Cons: May be a friend or colleague of noted Islanders hater CeeLo Green.

MIKE BLOOMBERG

Current status: Former mayor of New York City, still has that news network thing going on.

Wealth level: Worked for $1 a year for eight years, is still rich.

Pros: Straight‐shooter who isn't afraid to spend money. Bilingual.

Cons: Good luck getting a large drink the next time you're at a game.

HANK & HAL STEINBRENNER

Current status: Owners of the New York Yankees and operators of a soon-to-be founded MLS franchise, sons of The Boss (not Bruce Springsteen).

Wealth level: Printing new money every day.

Pros: Long history in New York sports means they know what it takes to put butts in seats: winning, spending money and handing out enough giveaway crap to sink the Intrepid.

Cons: "Introducing new Islanders coach, general manager and captain, Derek Jeter."

ISLES FACEBOOK PAGE

Current status: Recently named team's first President of Hockey Operations.

Wealth level: Unknown, but ... well I mean, they don't appear to otherwise be employed.

Pros: Fast riser, rags-to-riches story. In just one week at the helm has already initiated franchise sale talks. The Islanders have promoted people with little experience before.

Cons: The Islanders have promoted people with little experience before.

NOBODY

Current status: Doesn't exist.

Wealth level: worthless.

Pros: The sale story is an elaborate hoax. McKenzie, man with a great sense of humor and a heightened flair for entertainment, just wanted to inspire the Islanders players and draw more interest to a drifting franchise while simultaneously reuniting with his estranged wife or, failing that, stealing the wife of the team's best player.

Cons: Could be used as the plot to Slap Shot 4, going direct to video next fall.

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