Editor's Note: The following was submitted by Michael Paul Smith, the actor/writer/director you might remember from the "Roommate Orders Take-Out Like a Pro Athlete" video posted here back when.
With the Islanders still reflexively twitching at the bottom of the Eastern Conference, and their TV ratings threatening to approach the possibility of being in the vicinity of six-figure viewership, a grassroots trend is taking hold across the country.
And not just Islanders country (read: between Hofstra and LIU, and anyone who can find MSG+2 on their guide), but the actual country.
This movement unites the beleaguered Isles fan with the countless others who think their symbol looks more like a capital "M" with an adjoining hockey stick (to which fans say, "Do you know what we went through to keep that...never mind") through one common pastime: drinking.
The game has taken on several names, including "Taking the B train to the G train," "Advancing to Go-Ring," "Vice President Gore-ing," and "The tropical Island of Howie" -- which usually calls for Malibu and other such appropriate options.
Many have found out that when sorting out their personalized rules, it's best to use water, Gatorade, or Chateau Diana -- as there will be no shortage of opportunities (Drink!) to partake.
With that, the universal crux of the game has already been revealed: Every time Butch or Howie (but mostly Butch) says "opportunity" or "opportunities," then drink. You'll probably be asleep by the first intermission.
If not, tack these modifications on as you see fit:
- Drink if Butch is wearing an 80's power tie.
- Drink when Howie says "Missed the net."
- Drink when you have to mute your television cause you can't listen to that "Stacey's mom" commercial every time the whistle blows.
- Drink when you hear an organ rendition of a TV theme that you can't even find on "The Hub" at 2 in the morning.
- Drink when Butch says something a 3 year old who doesn't know what hockey is would say (such as "You know Howie the Islanders could really use an opportunity (drink!) to steal a goal here before the end of the period").
- Drink if Butch disagrees with an official and you can hear him wince and hedge like he's afraid he's gonna get in trouble for it somehow.
- Drink twice if that same call finds you claiming a league-wide conspiracy to over-penalize us, and ignore everyone else.
- Buy a round for your friends if Howie bashes the team and gets caught, or if you hear him mutter "I miss Jaffe" under his breath.
- Call your craziest ex-whatever and tell them that you've always loved them if you hear Butch say anything critical about the rebuild or Garth Snow. Cause it ain't gonna happen.
Advance to Go-Ring. Do not pass it.
Michael Paul Smith is an actor/writer/director whose new webseries "The Residuals" is coming soon. View the trailer and all the info at www.theresiduals.tv.