Cappy: OK, while we wait for Joshy, #13 - Amac. Come on in
Colin McDonald walks in
Cappy: Who is this guy? You looking for Moulson?
Colin McDonald: Uh...no. I'm Colin McDonald. #13.
Cappy: I thought Amac was....wait, Colin McDonald?
Colin McDonald: Yes. That's me.
Cappy: Dougie, what's going on here?
Dougie: We have two McDonalds on the team -
Cappy: Can we do that? That's not like that weird too many men on the ice rule, right?
Dougie: No, perfectly legal. We could have 20 McDonalds if we chose to.
Cappy: But only 9 on the ice at any one point. Right?
Dougie: Six, counting the goalie.
Cappy: Six, right. OK then. Now, who is this guy...?
Colin McDonald: Just a quick clarification - I'm a Mc Donald - M C Donald. AMac is a MacDonald - M A C, thus denoting a Scottish heritage whereas the M C implies Irish ancestry.
Cappy: What's the fast food chain?
Colin McDonald: That's a McDonalds, no A. Like me.
Cappy: Like you, great, I like that. You win. Amac - pack your shit and get outta here. And don't come back til you develop some sort of carb free special sauce.
AMac: from hallway No. That plan is stupid and I'm not leaving.
Cappy: OK...Colin McDonald...I don't have any notes on you. I don't think -
Josh Bailey comes flying in.
Josh Bailey: RING POPS! WHERE IS IT? RING POP!
Cappy: Eh. Eh. Stop that. First you answer my questions, then you pick up all that sh-...stuff you left in the locker room, then - where the hell did he go?
Dougie: I dunno, he was just here, hold on, sssshhhh.........ok, I hear him. He's in the locker room doing God knows what.
Cappy: Jeez, they move fast, don't they? OK, back to this guy....you sure you were on the team?
Colin McDonald: Yeah...I scored that goal against the Rangers like 30 seconds into the second period. I've heard people say that was the turning point of the season, you know?
Cappy: I thought that was Amac. Hey, Amac - your rating just dropped like 4 points. OK, Kevin - what else did you do?
Colin McDonald: I did some good stuff in the postseason. I, you know, I played SMAHT HAHD Hockey. Fourth line grinder, sorta style.
Cappy: Meh...ok, I mean, I like the smaht and hahd but, you're not wowwin' me.
Colin McDonald: I can make balloon animals?
Cappy: Can you make an octopus?
Colin McDonald: Sure.
Cappy: reaches into a drawer, pulls out several balloons. OK, wow me, son. I want an octopus, a leprechaun and your choice for the third. GO!
Joshy: MAKE A SNURFLEKARK! OR A TRACTOR!
Moulson: Bro - $5 if you can make a bong, $20 if it's functional.
McDonald hands Cappy a balloon octopus, to Moulson he hands a Leprachaun smoking a bong (non functional). He goes back to work on the tractor.
Cappy: Not bad. I notice Moulson's bong doesn't work, so point off for that. Tractor is looking good though...can you do magic tricks?
Colin McDonald: Sure.
Cappy: OK, listen - work my sons party next weekend, you get that point back.
Colin McDonald: You got it coach. How old is your son?
Cappy: 18, 19...I dunno. Dougie, I don't know this guy, but I kinda love him. Like in a man way. I'm gonna tell Gahth to give this kid a long term deal.
Colin McDonald: I got two more years, actually.
Cappy: That makes me happy - whoa, Joshy, what the hell are you doing down there?
Josh Bailey: Looking for my snurflekark.
Justin Bourne: Whoa....ok, yep....mine just kicked in.
Matt Moulson: Nice. Welcome bro.
Cappy: What's a snurflekark?
Josh Bailey: It's like a tenendra BUT BLUE!
Dougie: Not a clue.
Cappy: Listen, Josh, we gotta do this interview thing. We can't go home until - and he's gone again. OK, back to, McDonald no A. I'm gonna give you a 7. Goes to an 8 after the party. I'd make it higher but I honestly have no idea who you are. Part of me thinks you're Mahty Reasonah in a wig....tugs Colin McDonald's hair. Nope, that's no wig. So with that in mind, which door you leaving from?
Colin McDonald: I dunno, 4?
Cappy: Perfect. Thanks, enjoy the summer - oh - there he is! Quick - Grabner - grab Joshy and hold him down....
Grabner: What? I did not hear this.
Cappy: That's why you sit on the bench, Grabner, you never listen.
Grabner: No, I listen. I just ignore.
Colin McDonald leaves.
Cappy: . OK, until Josh gets back, #14 - Thomas "Francis Ford Kuprick" Hickey. Get in here. You been filming these or what?
Hickey: Yeah, I have the tripods set up and all that. I'll mix the audio when they're all done.
Cappy: Where's the hat?
Cappy: Yeah, I got him one of them beret things that filmmakers wear. Where is it?
Hickey: I, uh...ummm...
Cappy: Come on, man. You gotta wear the hat.
Hickey: Actually, I'm using it now....to alter the lighting. Increase the shadow on your face. Makes the stubble pop out on the screen. I'm thinking 3D next season.
Cappy: See? What I tell ya. This kid's great. He's gonna be part of the big four someday, Dougie.
Dougie: Who are the big four?
Cappy: The Godfather Guy, and the guy with the helicopters blowing up the beaches with that classical music , the other guy....?
Cappy: No...the guy that made the movie with...that guy? You know.
Dougie: Tarantino? Orson Welles? Oh - Scorcese!
Cappy: No, but he's good too. The other one....this is gonna drive me nuts...
Dougie: Hickey - any guesses?
Hickey: I dunno. Coach made me watch Taxi Driver like 20 times because he thinks we should go in that direction next season, so that guy?
Dougie: Brian DePalma?
Cappy: I dunno, maybe. I can't keep track. Hold up - JOSHY - sit down....you want this Ring Pop? Yeah? Sit down. Now, which door will you leave from when we finish?
Bailey: I AM A ROBOT. I AM ZENEDEN PRIME, SENTIENT LIFE FORM APX906 FROM THE GALACTUS CLUSTER.
Cappy: Which door, Zeneden Prime?
Bailey: I AM HERE TO DESTROY ALL HUMAN LIFE!
Cappy: First you tell me which door, then you clean up that mess in the locker room, then you get your Ring Pop and blow us all to pieces for all I care.
Bailey: I AM A ROBOT!
Justin Bourne: This is the greatest thing I have even seen.
Moulson: I know, man. Told ya. This is like my favorite part of the year.
Cappy: Joshy - look at me - Joshy, Joshy - focus, FOCUS. Look at me....which door will you leave out of?
Josh Bailey: 9
Cappy: OK, th-
Josh Bailey: 8
Cappy: 9 or 8?
Josh Bailey: 7
Cappy: You're killin me.
Josh Bailey: 6
Cappy: OK, I'm just wri-
Josh Bailey: 5
Cappy: Uh oh. It's a countdown, boys.
Joshy Bailey: 4
Justin Bourne: Should I be nervous?
Josh Bailey: 3
Moulson: I dunno. Probably not. Maybe.
Josh Bailey: 2
Cappy: I bet he rips one, Dougie. That's what I'd do.
Josh Bailey: 1
Thomas Hickey: slightly panicky Guys.....I'm nervous, guys.
Josh Bailey: ENGAGE!
fade to black
....to be continued.