The Islanders have decided to move back in with mom (pictured: some old lady from a stock photo website)
An uncomfortable living situation has come to a head with the New York Islanders packing up their stuff and moving back in with their mother until they've got things sorted out.
MASSAPEQUA, N.Y. (IFP) _ The New York Islanders announced that they will be moving back in with their parents effective immediately after years of dealing with an uncooperative and unfriendly landlord at the NVMC Apartments.
The dispute centers around rent and utilities moneys the landlord claims to be owed by the Islanders. The National Hockey League team maintains that it has been a good tenant and that, if anything, the person that actually owes the money is its deadbeat roommate -- and further, it is the landlord who actually owes the team money.
"[the landlord] is just being a jerk, man. For real," the Islanders said in a statement issued to friends at a local bar last night. "I'm done. I'm done with this guy. I'm out. Gonna move in with my folks, crash in their basement for a while till I can find a new place. I don't need this in my life anymore."
The Islanders also said they had not told yet their parents that they were moving back in but that, "they wouldn't mind. They're always saying I should come around more often."
The animosity between the Islanders and their landlord was present from the beginning of their relationship. Never one to say "hello" in the hallway or respond to phone calls in a timely manner, the landlord has always maintained a cold, distant demeanor that could generously be described as business-like. The Islanders claim that the landlord is only around when the rent is due, and not when anyone needs anything fixed or has an issue to discuss.
"We blew a fuse last Thanksgiving and our oven died," said the Islanders in their statement. "Called the super, he says he quit two weeks prior. Called the landlord, he says to call the super. We had to have pizza for Thanksgiving. I mean, c'mon...
"The windows are drafty, no water pressure, we got light bulbs out everywhere, the radiators go off for months in the winter, then come on when it's 60 degrees outside and there's a loose step that I almost slip on every time. It's a million things."
The Islanders do not believe they should be on the hook for the money the landlord is asking for and that renovations and updates the team has made to the space mean the landlord is the one who owes them money. The landlord's real beef, according to the Islanders, is with the team's shiftless and irresponsible roommate, whose name is also on the lease.
"Hey, you know what? Not my problem, bro. Take it up with my roomie," the team said.
With an open sofa bed, washing machine and free meals, moving back with their parents is a convenient albeit temporary solution to the problem. The team is seeking a chance to gather their thoughts and strength before getting back out there and finding a new place. They set the goal at six-months, tops, but concede that it could take longer because of the economy. In lieu of rent, the Islanders say they plan on re-paying their parents by doing odd-jobs around the house and maybe seeing if their father needs some help at his office.
Options for the Islanders include going back to school, staying with friends in Brooklyn or maybe going out to the West Coast to "find themselves." They also heard a friend of a friend in Kansas City has a nice place and is desperate for company. But the plan is to remain independent and move into a new place as soon as possible.
Calls placed to the landlord were answered by voicemail and not returned. A member of the landlord's family was reached for comment and said that she, "hadn't talked to him in five years." A local Off-Track Betting parlor, a known hang-out of the landlord's, also had no clue of his whereabouts.
The Islanders' roommate could also not be reached for comment because, according to the team, they're, "Never around, I have no idea where he goes. He's not like a friend or anything."
This is a parody. Unless you know a place they can sublet or crash at for a little while.