LHH Zeitgeist - Regarding Henrik: A one-act eulogy for the New York Rangers

A Lighthouse Hockey Production of a Spike Lee Joint.

INTERIOR - MASSAPEQUA HIGH SCHOOL, LONG ISLAND, N.Y. - MORNING

JOEY, a looks-older-than-he-is senior, enters his homeroom on Monday morning. He is clad head-to-toe in New York Yankees gear. Yankees hat, Yankees shirt, Yankees sweats, even Yankees socks. The ensemble is topped by a Yankees jacket that's way too heavy for a warm springtime. He immediately heads for his friend TOMMY, who is seated already. Tommy looks exactly like Joey - Yankees all the way.

JOEY

Bro! What happened, bro?

TOMMY

What happened? They lost, that's what happened.

JOEY

No shit, they lost. How?

TOMMY

The King stopped bein' The King.

JOEY

Yup. Yup. But what about the other guys? Like that Mike Richards?

Where did he go?

TOMMY

I have no idea. He did nothing.

JOEY

And that other guy?

TOMMY

Who?

JOEY

The guy he plays with. What's his name? Gabbo... Gabra...

TOMMY

Gabby?

JOEY

Yeah, yeah, Gabby, Gabby. What happened to Gabby?

TOMMY

Gabby disappeared. A buncha guys did. Brust, Dupinski, Doyle, Hagman--

JOEY

--Is he the guy with the old time beard?

TOMMY

I think so.

JOEY

Only guys who showed up were Gerrati, the kid, Kreeder, and Bryan Callahan.

TOMMY

Well, Callahan always shows up.

JOEY

My dad said DaZotto was terrible.

TOMMY

He was. Everytime he was on the ice, the Devils scored.

JOEY

And, I mean, I never heard of any of those guys.

TOMMY

You musta heard of Marty Bradoor. He's, like, super old.

JOEY

Whatever. I never heard of him. Probably just some old bastard who got lucky.

TOMMY

So what did you do after the game? I texted you.

JOEY

Yeah, I went to the woods behind the train station parking lot and got

hammered, bro. Friggin' hammered. I thought I'd see you there.

TOMMY

Nah, I tried calling the FAN with a trade idea. Hey, what do you think of this:

DaZotto and a draft pick for Nick Nash - that guy who plays for Colorado?

JOEY

Is he good?

TOMMY

Yeah, he's pretty good.

JOEY

Well, if he's good they should get him. Whatever it takes. Trade whoever.

TOMMY

You know what I was thinkin' about while I was on hold? That very first game

we went to. Remember that? Long time ago. When we were kids.

JOEY

You mean that game last year?

TOMMY

Yeah, the one last year.

JOEY

That. Was. Awesome. Bro.

TOMMY

I know, right! We went with our dads, we didn't know any players,

we didn't really know what was going on but it was awesome.

They scored a ton of goals, all different ways by a lot of different guys.

There was a fight, crazy saves, a ton of shots, back and forth, all that stuff.

And it was like we discovered this friggin' great thing that was, like,

tough but fast and you could see someone do some crazy move any second.

JOEY

I remember, I remember. We dove right in.

TOMMY

We fell in love with the game.

JOEY

Totally! Totally, bro. Fell in love with the game.

TOMMY

And we became Rangers fans, right then and there. For life.

JOEY

Hell yeah. (a pause) Wait. You talking about that first game?

TOMMY

Yeah.

JOEY

The very first game you and I went to?

TOMMY

Yes, dumbass. The first Rangers game we went to.

JOEY

Bro, you're the dumbass. That was an Islanders game.

TOMMY

It was?

JOEY

Yeah! Don't you remember? They lost, like, 6-3. My dad got tickets from

his office because nobody else wanted 'em. And the security guys

let us move way down because there was a ton of empty seats.

And your dad was, like, super excited because he met some guy named...

Bill Nye or Bob Nyborg or someone that he liked when he was a kid. Then

afterwards we walked across Hempstead Turnpike and went to

Hooters. Then my dad dropped you and me off at the mall.

TOMMY

Holy shit. You're right. That was an Islanders game.

JOEY

I told you.


Tommy sits back in his chair pensively. He takes a deep breath of contemplation.

TOMMY

So, does that mean we should be Islanders fans?

JOEY

No, bro! They suck.

FIN

___

Relax, Rangers fans. Your team is damn good. Welcome back to the mountain top. We're just hoping they have some new company soon.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

Join Lighthouse Hockey

You must be a member of Lighthouse Hockey to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Lighthouse Hockey. You should read them.

Join Lighthouse Hockey

You must be a member of Lighthouse Hockey to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Lighthouse Hockey. You should read them.

Spinner

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9355_tracker