If grueling rehab is any indication, this man will work hours upon frustrating hours for very small bits of progress - an ideal trait for electoral office. - Bruce Bennett
Today the United States goes to the polls, its media consumed by blustery hogwash commentary from enough pontificating talking heads to make you miss Pierre McGuire. But which New York Islander deserves your vote?
Today, at least half(!) of eligible American voters will participate in their American Idol-infused shell of a democracy, where I'm a person, you're a person, and corporations are people too.
(Sorry, that sounds a little political. We should probably avoid that.)
For prospect talk today, don't forget Michael Fornabaio's weekly Bridgeport chat at 1:30 p.m. EST. For NHL/NHLPA talk...well I'm sure the union will say something and I'm sure it will be just fascinating.
But for our throwaway topic, we must ask: Which New York Islanders are fit for office?
Let's see. Several are eliminated right off the bat due to "birther" issues, their homeland being elsewhere. (Sorry, no Travis Hamonic for president here.)
Others are deities, and while the U.S. Constitution does not explicitly bar divine beings from holding office, it seems only prudent to separate church and state here. So sorry, no President John Tavares nor Supreme Ruler Frans Nielsen.
That leaves just a few Americans to consider...
- Wears his patriotism on his sleeve ... or at least on his mask and pads.
- Works very, very, very hard for little gain, which seems like an attribute for anyone wanting to get anything done in the U.S. legislative system.
- Though term limits may be a jolt to his expectations, you can't say he lacks commitment to the cause.
- The beard looks like a candidate who's already lost.
- Prone to injury, which could be problematic given the demands on the Office of the President.
- Good New England boy.
- So, like educated and stuff.
- If the last 10 presidential races have taught us anything, it's that there's no place for "reason" in politics, amirite?
- Very likable.
- Well read.
- Interesting back story, what with a relatively late start in hockey and Nigerian father who came to the U.S. when he was 16. Wait...uh-oh...
- ...with his father's heritage, no doubt much of his term would be consumed by distractions from idiotic bankrupt-junk-bond-peddler-turned-reality-TV blowhards questioning his heritage, rather than discussing a relevant issue.
- Earned a scholarship, sure, but left Minnesota mid-season. How can we be sure he'll finish his term?
- Fellow Minnesotan Walter Mondale's presidential campaign was not exactly a success.
- The U.S. has never had a president from Oklahoma. It's time.
- The U.S. has never had a president from Oklahoma. How can we trust this one?
- By the time he is eligible for office, he will be part of a movement that shifts Long Island jobs over
seascounty lines to Brooklyn. What else will he do to our franchise's home?
Editor's note: This is an admittedly silly and foolish (hence, "yak") post that makes a few benign jokes at the expense of the U.S. political scene. But please do take any political diatribes to your favorite histrionic political blog (or Facebook or something), as we're mostly about hockey and humor here.
So, prospects and stuff, eh?
Which American New York Islander is fit for office?
Rick DiPietro: He will work long after you'd prefer not to. (32 votes)
Kyle Okposo: A candidate you can love. (44 votes)
Marty Reasoner: Surely connected to the New England elite somehow. (6 votes)
Aaron Ness: A candidate who will never forget the little guy. (12 votes)
Matt Donovan: OOooooohklahoma. (18 votes)
112 total votes