"Yaw ridicalus, sah! I said RIDICALUS!"
Fehr: "She rolled her eyes at us..."
(NHL.com) -- The National Hockey League and National Hockey League Players Association concluded a meeting with respected television judge Judith Sheindlin on Thursday without making any progress toward settling on a new Collective Bargaining Agreement.
The meeting finished late Thursday afternoon after a re-run of Dr. Phil and Sheindlin's second case of the day, which involved a girlfriend suing a former boyfriend over a PlayStation 3 she claims he stole when they broke up.
No further meetings between the NHL, the players or any other television judges are planned, according to NHL Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly.
"Today, we concluded mediation with Judge Judy and representatives of the NHL Players' Association," Daly said in a statement. "After spending 10 minutes in her courtroom, which was much smaller than expected, Judge Judy dismissed our case by angrily calling us 'morons.' We are disappointed that Judge Judy categorized our generous proposal to the Union as a 'crock of balony.'"
During the meeting, the NHL presented Sheindlin with poorly photographed hand-written notes on loose-leaf paper as evidence of its member teams' dire finances. The NHLPA countered with what it claimed were threatening voice-mail messages left by owners on a player's cell phone.
Sheindlin was unable to read the notes or retrieve the voice-mails, and both exhibits were summarily rejected.
Donald Fehr, Executive Director of the NHLPA, said, "This afternoon, Judge Judy informed the parties that she was older and wiser than us and that beauty fades but dumb is forever. She rolled her eyes often and also asked us repeatedly if we thought she was stupid. She did not think it was productive to continue the discussions further today and she advised us to stop having babies."
Additional meetings between the NHL and Union are not scheduled at this time, but the League offered on Thursday the possibility of a meeting between owners and players without the presence of League or Union negotiators, which Judge Judy called "the most ridiculous idea [she's] ever heard."
Judge Judy has been on television for 16 consecutive years without ever having a work stoppage.
I'd like to say this is a parody, but it's got to be the next step for these guys, right?