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Islanders-Devils in Brooklyn: The Preseason Game That Wasn't

Islanders fans waited all summer to check out a hockey game in Brooklyn's new Barclays Center. So naturally Lighthouse Hockey wasn't there to cover what did not happen.

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Game Recap: Preseason Crisis on Parallel Earths!

Canceled due to the lockout, the preseason contest between the New Jersey Devils and New York Islanders at the brand new Barclays Center should have been historic and meaningful. Fortunately, on Earth-Z, it was.


2nd Period: Upset Fans Swarm Facebook; Lubo Seen?

Continuing our coverage of the Islanders-Devils preseason game that does not exist, nor will it ever exist, we pick things up in the second period with an off-ice virtual incident:

The new [banking arm of some repute] Center in Brooklyn bills itself as the world's most high-tech stadium in sports, including an unprecedented Wi-Fi in-arena bandwidth, but it seems even this arena's savvy planners did not anticipate the level and volume with which Islanders fans attack Facebook when someone has moved their cheese.

Things took an ominous turn when summer AHL depth signing Nathan McIver turned the puck over in his own zone, forcing a save from Anders Nilsson. In unison, as if activated by an alien master, approximately 8,000 fans in blue and orange pulled out their mobile phones to log Facebook comments ranging from:

"i ges this is our summer free asian, huh?"


"of course wang got the wrong mcgyver."

Before access became overloaded, several fans also ripped GM Garth Snow about the parking situation outside of Barclays Center.

Next, angered by difficulty loading the Facebook page -- and MySpace was down too -- within the arena, the swelling group of fans began texting their friends to have them lodge complaints on the Isles Facebook page in their stead. Fortunately, that wave quickly receded as most of the friends receiving the texts replied with variations of, "Wat iz hockey?"

Meanwhile, outside the arena there were unverified reports that Lubomir Visnovsky was en route to make the game by the third period -- either followed by a police escort or by a KHL security detail.

On the ice, fans got their first look at Martin Brodeur's AARP-themed mask. There were also goals and such, but check back later for a full game report and scoresheet from the first sporting event ever canceled at the brand new [ingloriously sponsored] Center in Brooklyn.


Grabner Avoids Rink Calibration Disaster; PBR Bro

The New York Islanders vs. New Jersey Devils preseason game is off to a riveting non-start at [ingloriously sponsored in Brooklyn] Center, but the enthusiasm was nearly sucked out of the building early on when Islanders speedster Michael Grabner nearly crashed through the boards and clear on to Atlantic Avenue.

At the last moment of his breakaway (which resulted in no shot), and just before making contact with the boards, Grabner was able to slow himself down enough to avert disaster. After several minutes delay as workers cleaned out chips of PVC and broken glass, the Austrian left the ice under his own power. Word from Islanders PR is that the forward will be okay.

During a commercial break to promote the next four Jay-Z concerts, the head trainer offered a theory about the Grabner incident, and why the building's unique layout may pose challenges if the Islanders ever play at [bank conglomerate of some sort] Center again:

"What it was, apparently with this 'horseshoe' seating configuration, Gremlin kind of lost his bearings as he took off on his first breakaway. All through warmups, shooting at the open end, I guess he got used to going 'all the way to the wall' as they say. Come time to shoot at the other end, and he didn't realize the end of the rink stops well before you run into the arena's superstructure.

"It's just a thing he'll have to get used to -- well, I mean we're in Nassau until 2015, but you get my drift. One day at a time. One hundred and ten percent effort. God willing and Gary Bettman don't rise."

Concessionaires reported that during the injury delay, a run on beer nearly emptied the place of Pabst Blue Ribbon kegs.

"I don't know what that was all about," said one attendant. "We didn't sell a drop of this stuff during Jay-Z's first four concerts."


Isles Fans Preview Brooklyn: Wait...Nope

Oct. 2, the much-anticipated date of the New York Islanders preseason game in Brooklyn's new Barclays Center, is finally here. What could go wrong?

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