Preseason Recap: Islanders Defeat Devils at Barclays Center on Earth-Z

LOOK OUT! IT'S STARRO!

Canceled due to the lockout, the preseason contest between the New Jersey Devils and New York Islanders at the brand new Barclays Center should have been historic and meaningful. Fortunately, on Earth-Z, it was.

Greetings Hockey Fans of Earth-One:

I am Bryl-Trox, general manager and president of the New York Islanders on Earth-Z in the year 2176. I hope this message finds you well.

Recently, I received a communique via my home Time Pool that I found curious. The communique asked for a play-by-play summary of a preseason game that happened between our team and the New Jersey Devils over a century ago. The game is considered ancient history in my time, as are most games prior to the NHL being purchased by Grandmaster Alexander Ovechkin IV and the Russian government in 2092.

Nevertheless, I have honored the request and directed the document to you. Perhaps you can derive from it what you need. From what my great-grand parental video crystals tell me, the game created a minor stir within the hockey community and among Islanders fans at the time.

Heed the advice from this version of the future: take great care and appreciate your team, no matter how dire their struggles appear to be. Because the players you watch today could be sentenced to die via giant, mind-controlling alien starfish by the commissioner's office tomorrow. I've seen it happen.

Excelsior,

Bryl-Trox

NEW JERSEY DEVILS (1) at NEW YORK ISLANDERS (2)
Oct. 2, 2012 at Barclays Center, Brooklyn, N.Y.Z.
Start: 7:10 pm - End: 10:45 pm
Attendance: 12,275
FINAL

#

Per

Str

Time:
Elapsed
Game

Event

Description

Score

1

1

EV

20:00

PSTR

FIRST PERIOD BEGINS.


NYI 0, N.J. 0

2

1

EV

19:59

FACE

NYI won Neu. Zone Face-Off - N.J #14 HENRIQUE vs NYI #91 TAVARES.


NYI 0, N.J. 0

3

1

EV

19:52

MUSIC

JAY-Z & KANYE WEST CONCERT TAKES OVER AT CENTER ICE.


NYI 0, N.J. 0

4

2

EV

0:00

END

FIRST INTERMISSION. STAN FISCHLER BEGINS STORY ABOUT BUZZ BOLL AND THE BROOKLYN AMERICANS.


NYI 0, N.J. 0

5

2

EV

19:14

SHOT

NYI ONGOAL - #12 BAILEY. CROWD IS STUNNED BY THIS RARE EVENT.


NYI 0, N.J. 0

6

2

EV

15:24

HIT

N.J #23 CLARKSON HIT NYI #3 HAMONIC. (IT WAS PROBABLY DIRTY.)


NYI 0, N.J. 0

7

2

EV

12:17

HIT

NYI #25 NIEDERREITER HIT N.J #28 VOLCHENKOV, Off. Zone.


NYI 0, N.J. 0

8

2

EV

12:07

HIT

NYI #25 NIEDERREITER HIT N.J #5 LARSSON, Off. Zone.


NYI 0, N.J. 0

9

2

EV

12:00

KID

NYI #25 NIEDERREITER STILL CONSIDERED DISAPPOINTMENT.


NYI 0, N.J. 0

10

2

EV

7:52

GONE

IN MN, ZACH PARISE THROWS ANOTHER STACK OF $100's IN HIS FIREPLACE.


NYI 0, N.J. 0

11

2

EV


0:00

END

SECOND INTERMISSION. STAN FISCHLER FINISHES STORY ABOUT BUZZ BOLL AND THE BROOKLYN AMERICANS.


NYI 0, N.J. 0

12

3

EV

18:00

PENL

NYI #3 HAMONIC, 2 MIN FOR SOME BULL SHIT PENALTY HE DIDN'T ACTUALLY COMMIT


NYI 0, N.J. 0

13

3

EV

17:59

SPIKE

SPIKE LEE LEAPS OVER GLASS TO ARGUE HAMONIC PENALTY WITH REFEREE.


NYI 0, N.J. 0

14

3

EV

13:04

LUBO

NYI #7 VISNOVSKY FINALLY ARRIVES AT ARENA. GETS PARKING TICKET.


NYI 0, N.J. 0

15

3

EV

10:23

HIPST

CROWD DECIDES THAT GAME WAS MUCH BETTER BACK IN THE FIRST PERIOD.


NYI 0, N.J. 0

16

3

EV

9:57

GOAL

NYI #21 OKPOSO (1), WRIST, OFF. ZONE, 18 FT. FROM GRABNER (1).


NYI 1, N.J. 0

17

3

EV

9:50

CROWD

NEAR CAPACITY CROWD RISES TO ITS FEET TO CELEBRATE THE GOAL AND PROVE THAT THEY WANT DESPERATELY TO AGAIN BE PROUD OF A STABLE TEAM WITH A BRIGHT FUTURE THAT WILL COMPETE ON A LEVEL PLAYING FIELD WITH OTHER NHL TEAMS IN TERMS OF TALENT, RESOURCES AND SELF-RESPECT.


NYI 1, N.J. 0

18

3

EV

9:25

GOAL

N.J #26 ELIAS (2), WRAP-AROUND, OFF. ZONE, 7FT, UNASSISTED, PROVING THAT THE ISLANDERS ARE STILL THE ISLANDERS.


NYI 1, N.J. 1

19

3

EV

4:07

GOAL

NYI #91 TAVARES (3), WRIST, OFF. ZONE, 8 FT, FROM MOULSON (1). THIS IS JUST WHAT HE DOES.


NYI 2, N.J. 1

20

3

EV

2:47

STOP

GOALIE STOP,TV TIMEOUT


NYI 2, N.J. 1



21

3

EV

2:00

CHASE

ALL VIEWERS ARE ADVISED THAT SOMEBODY LEFT THE GATE OPEN. AGAIN.


NYI 2, N.J. 1

22

3

EV

0:17

FAC

NYI won Def. Zone - N.J #14 HENRIQUE vs NYI #51 NIELSEN. CROWD PRAYS.


NYI 2, N.J. 1

23

3

EV

0;00

END

END OF 3RD PERIOD. ISLANDERS WIN SOMEWHAT SIGNIFICANT GAME EVERYBODY ELSE THINKS IS MEANINGLESS.


NYI 2, N.J. 1

___

Silver Age comics are crazy and awesome. Go read some.

For full tongue-in-cheek coverage of this non-existent (except on Earth-Z) game, check our Islanders-Devils StoryStream. Which would be, like, totally useful if there were actual games and all that.

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