Witness: Don King hypes up Scott Gordon's post-game presser

Note: Sometimes you just have to do stuff like this...

It occurs to me that Islanders coach Scott Gordon deserves a moment to take a breath and crow about his team, after all the flak he took last year with an injury-laden squad, and considering the start his much-healthier squad has had this year, now 5-2-2 in their last nine.

Yet "Flash" Gordon isn't so flashy -- some even call him dry. Since he isn't one to go chest-thumping (rapping and splits are another matter), sometimes he needs a little promo help. Enter Don King, flown in specially for the spectacle.

What follows is Gordon's comments during last night's post-game, with the benefit of Don King jumping in for him like some such pre-fight announcement or weigh-in. Unfortunately, King didn't have time to memorize the roster, but he got the job done. (In the video clip, King's parts have been edited out by the league, but we secured the transcript and posted King's interjections below):

Gordon on Matt Moulson:

"Obviously he was in the right place at the right time, and he read the forecheck well on that second-period goal."

"What my man is telling you is his forecheck is the bomb, the Bible of bombastic bombardment, the Koran of crazy calculated chaos, the Torah of terrible tenacity!

And those who heed it are destined to feed from it, and make others bleed from it, 'cause they can't catch the speed of it, so it's high time you believe in it! Just ask Freddy Mira the Fourth -- he believes!"

Gordon on John Tavares:

"I don't think he got an assist on it, but his effort to get in on the forecheck was the difference on that goal."

"How many times does my man have to tell you? His forecheck is fabulously frantic, fantabulistic -- a frightening force of fire and fury -- and those who suffer at its frenetic hands are destined for failure and folly. 

J.T., T.H. whoever, they're all bringin' it!"

Gordon on Why the Team is Clicking:

"I think there's a level of expectation ... there's a confidence in the room now, that if we play our game we're gonna have success."

"Witness! Ain't nobody gonna stop 'em! My man's team is a lean, mean, cocky fightin' machine! [aside] Where's that Rechlicz?"

"Every night it's something different. It was our powerplay the other night, tonight it's our penalty kill ... and Rollie had a big game at the end of a road trip."

"The Power Play is all-powerful and poppin'! The P.K. is pugilistically pugnacious! P.K. stands for Ka-Pow, and this Ka-Pow is about to pow your cow till you don't know how now!"

"It's huge, let's face it, we've played four games in six days, and from my side of it, it's good to see for what little amount of practice time we've had, that we haven't gotten away from our gameplan..."

"I'm talkin' four games! And this franchise has FOUR CUPS! Coincidence?

These men are road warriors! Why? Cause my man Flash has trained them to be killers! Ain't no drifting away from this ferocious forecheck, 'cause he's got it prepropogated into their DNA! The gameplan, is the same plan, that's bringing pretenders to shame, man! Wham, bam thank you ma'am!"

Gordon on the Difference Between the 2008-09 Islanders and This Year's Team:

"My familiarity with the players, them with me as a coach, our system play, and also being healthy and obviously having the two guys we have in net. We didn't have Andy Sutton last year. For 25 games, the same thing with Freddy Meyer. We lost, there were times we had four defensemen out of the lineup."

"Where the haters at? Come on, come out from your hiding places! I know last year everybody was jumping on my man Flash when he didn't even have two healthy godforsaken NHL defenders on any given night!

All he had was the system, and now he's got the playa's. And when you have the system and you have the playa's, then the playa's are the system and the system is the playa's! Freddy Hillen is thrillin' in da house, and Aunty Sutton's in your kitchen!"

"The second half last year is when we started to make some strides, and what we did in the 2nd half has carried over to this year."

"Witness! I'm talkin' about stupendous strides. Strangulation! Stipulation! Sans stagnation!"

Q: Does adding Moulson and Tavares ... does the competitive nature of Moulson and Tavares help the rest of the team?

"... I'm sorry...? ... Uh, all in all, our players have been better."

"Son, who let you in here?! Mouls-who? Moulson, Roloson, Schmolson -- don't you come in here with some 'Moulson this' and 'Tavares that.' My man Flash's system is working, ya hear, it's working, and it don't matter which 10-goal scorers you bring in here, because world domination is in his hands. Shee-yit.

...No more questions. Flash needs to kick back before this demagogueicly dangerous detour to domination continues!"